How To Talk To Your Partner About Sex

December 16, 2021

We all know talking about sex can make most of us uncomfortable and if something makes us really uncomfortable, we tend to avoid talking about it altogether.  Does that sound about right?  But here is the problem with that – how is your partner going to know what you like or don’t like?  In practically every relationship… Communication is key.

So when was the last time you met a mind reader?  Most of us are not blessed with that gift, right? Why do we expect our partner to just know what we like in terms of sex without actually talking about it?  We may at times take a more organic approach to it and just learn about each other as we go and that’s fine.  But could it be better?  Again, it comes back to communication.

Have You Been Tested?

First things first, before you have sex with a new partner have the talk about STDs and whether or not you have been tested.  If you or your partner have not been tested for STDs it is always a good idea to do so.  Especially if you have had sexual partners previously. 

How To Start The Conversation

When talking about sex you should give your partner the courtesy of taking a crawl-walk-run approach.  Particularly in a new relationship.  It could be awkward to ask “Where were you born?” with a follow-up question like “What is your favorite sexual position?”  That would take most people by surprise and/or make them uncomfortable.  It also sounds a little too much like a not-so-fun version of Vogue’s Rapid-Fire 73 Questions.


  1. One way to open up the dialogue on this topic would be… “What don’t you like when it comes to sex?” It is less personal and can come with way less judgment.
  2. Ask an open ended question like “What’s your definition of amazing sex?”  This could really get the conversation going and could be a great way to learn more about your partner.
  3. Another way to get the conversation started is to say “What is your favorite sexual fantasy?”  Keep in mind that the fantasy can stay just that, a fantasy.  However, creating a version of that fantasy, if that sounds interesting to you both, may be worth trying.

If you are in a long-term relationship and find yourself in difficult times in regards to the sexual part of your relationship.  Those can be tough conversations too.  If sex isn’t as frequent as it once was, then talk about it.  You may be thinking that your partner doesn’t find you as desirable as they once did.  However, that may not be the case.  It could be that their sex drive is a little lower than normal, for them.  It very well may have nothing to do with you at all.  That is why keeping an open dialogue with your partner is so important.


  1. “Do you have a favorite sexual memory of us?”  Their response may not be the same as yours and that is okay.  It could be that the moments leading up to the actual act made it more intense or memorable for them.
  2. “What’s your favorite part of my body?”  The answer could surprise you and lead to other favorites that you two can discuss together.
  3. Or maybe life just got too busy for you both because of work, being parents, and/or other life situations.  Somehow you have found yourself kind of going throught the motions of the day-to-day stuff that it is hard to find the time for sex.  If that is the case you can always schedule it.  It is definitely not spontaneous but you could have fun flirting with one another leading up to the event.

Whenever you feel challenged in your relationship, find a way to bring up the topic with your partner. It is best for the relationship to know what your partner likes and doesn’t like.  It will only benefit the relationship and hopefully create a stronger bond between the two of you.

Your sexual health is important.  At OB-GYN Women’s Centre of Lakewood Ranch, we are dedicated to providing personalized healthcare for each and every woman.  No matter your age or medical history, we’ll help you feel comfortable and answer all of your reproductive health-related questions. Call us today to schedule an appointment.